Ain't nothin like an unexpected emergency doctor visit to put the fear of God in you and, in turn, kill any future hunger pains from the anxiety of not knowing...
I hadn’t had my annual check-up in several years. My bad, I know. Never had a mammogram and wasn’t seriously concerned, since I’ve never had any problems, nor do I have a history of probs on either side of my family.
So, I just figured it was high time to go to the ‘fun’ doctor and get the ‘hooha’ checked out, along with the ‘girls’, to make sure everything was normal. Isn’t it just the most enjoyable thing ever? I mean, I purposely do not go to the doctor, even when I’m sick, so going to the fun doctor is, well…takes years to make myself go.
Wednesday, the results of the mamm came back and the doctor’s office said something showed up and I needed to see a radiologist ASAP. The appt was made for the next day at 2:45. Talk about scared to death! I nearly cried. I became extremely quiet, introverted and serious. I kept running over my life in my mind, thinking what have I done with my life? I'm not done. I cannot leave my daughter and mother. What if this is it? What if? (I realize I can be a bit dramatic at times but this really was scary for me.)
Then, I tried to calm myself and pray a bit; talked with my BFF and mom and they were freaking out, wanted to go with me but I was just going down the street from my office during my lunch hour, then going back to work and I’m sure it was nothing - all would be fine.
When I’m scared or depressed, I don’t play well with others. I like to hide out in a cold, dark place until my inner sun comes out and then I can come out and play again. One thing they could do was pray. I thought about it and decided I’d send out a prayer request to my buddies, because God answers prayers every day. I know, sometimes we feel he doesn’t deliver the goods, but I do know that he has a plan and even though it may not always seem to fit in with OUR plans, he knows what he’s doing. But then, that’s a whole nuther blog…
Thursday came and after a night with very little sleep, very little food and a sick at my stomach feeling, 2:20 had arrived and it was time to go. Got there and waited a little while. The wait really wasn’t as long as it SEEMED. Seemed like forever but I just played games on my phone, checked Facebook and my emails to keep my hands busy. I’m sure that’s why I smoked all those years ago – something to just keep my hands busy. That’s probably why I LOVE to type. If my hands are busy, I’m good. I’m calm-er.
Eventually, got to go from one room to another room, and wait. Still, the wait wasn’t really that long. They got to play with the girls some more. I really cannot stand it!!! Some stranger putting their hands all over you – makes me want to hurl or perhaps slap someone. They have to twist and clamp. Then twist the other way and clamp. OUCH! I wanna know who invented that dang contraption. The sucker is painful! Ya think it showed them what they needed to know? Nope. Back to the other room to wait again. I just think with technology these days, they'd have a better, more efficient, less uncomfortable way of doing things.
Then, another woman came to take me to another room. This time, I get to lay down and the room is kind of cold, which I actually like, since I felt like I was burning up from my nerves. An Ultrasound had been ordered. I won’t go through the specific details with you on this one. The woman takes the results to the doctor. Waiting…
She comes back with a slip of paper and says, “You’re all clean and free to go”.
“All clean?” I ask. “Meaning everything is normal?” She said tissue had built up on top of tissue and usually means something is there other than tissue, but no worries, only tissue.
Ah! Talk about relief. During all my waiting, I kept thinking to God - one thing I continually pray for and really, the only thing that matters is that he keep us safe and in good health. He granted my 30-year prayer of a wonderful daughter and that’s the main thing I prayed for until she was born, along with all the qualities I had asked for. Since then, it’s been pretty much one daily prayer. Sure, I ask for things that I think would make my life more enjoyable, and it would probably be great if I received those little things, but he knows my heart and the biggest things – the most important things – are those special people and fur-babies I love and I am blessed that he keeps us safe and in good health and I don’t need anything more.
For all prayer warriors out there, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers on behalf of my health and the doctor visit Thursday. I don't normally put my business out there for all to know about (until recently). I'm not big on sharing myself with people. Most of you know that I'm mostly friendly and try to be upbeat, for the most part. But at the same time, I'm a loner. Always have been and, in truth, am quite frightened of opening up, reaching out, asking for help, confiding - not good at that but I'm trying to get better. But, I figured more prayers circulated upwards is always a good thing. I do believe in the strength of numbers, number of people/friends, prayers. The more, the merrier - it's a great thing.
Ah - email. It's a powerful thing. Email is one more way of lifting a hand up to God and it works! Communication & prayer works in all forms. I'm so blessed to have loving friends in my circle like you! I love you, too. ~soft squishy hug~
Ok, enough of this mush.
