I’m afraid forgiveness is something I learned late in life, and I’m still working on it – I’m a work in progress.
I actually learned how to forgive from my daughter, when she was about 8. So, I guess I was about 39. I’m quite talented at holding a grudge – I have many years of experience with this.
We were at soccer practice. Thought I’d neva be a soccer mom, but whoa, was I ever! Screamin’ with the best of ‘em. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I digress. I do that a lot. I’m extremely ADHD. Lemme try to focus. What were we talking about?
Ah yes, soccer practice. The girls are practicing and running and kicking. One of the girls on the team is not a team player. We’ll call her Michelle. Some of the moms are thinking her mother is forcing her to play soccer to perhaps learn a little team spirit? For whatever reason, Michelle wasn’t friendly with the other girls; Hallie most of all. In the car on the way home, Hallie tells me from the back seat how Michelle is mean to her and to the other girls. I ask her what she is going to do about it.
“I’m going to make her my friend.” she says, confidently and self-assuredly.
Wow. At that point, I felt like crying. I’ve always been so good at hating. Someone wrongs me and I hold a grudge, like, forever. I pondered on what she said, for days, until the next practice. I wondered how she’d just magically make her her friend. I’ve never been very good at reaching out to people. I’m still trying to teach myself how to do this. Hallie winds up teaching me. Who knew you could learn more from a child than you could actually teach her? This kid is wise beyond her years. I have always believed she has a direct link to the Main Dude Upstairs.
Well, except for those times when she turns into a little hairy monster and her head starts spinning around, like something out of The Exorcist and claims “the devil made me do it”. Good excuse, by the way.
So, the next soccer practice is here and time to deal with Michelle and I’m anxious to see how this unfolds.
You still there? I realize this is rather lengthy.
They practice for a little while, take a short bathroom break and when I see them walking back to the field, Hallie and Michelle are walking side-by-side, chatting it up with each another. Michelle seems much more relaxed, starts playing well (or better, anyway) with others and I see no more tension between them. I can hardly wait to see how Hallie handled it.
So, we’re on our way home and I ask her, “How in the world did you make her your friend? What did you do?”
“I just went up to her and asked her if she’d be my friend.” she says, matter of factly.
~sniff~ Do you have any idea of how much I wanted to pull that car over and squeeze that sweet baby? So, I waited till we got home. Then, I just about squeezed the stuffin' out of ‘er.
She’s always been a better person than me. God sent her to teach me how to be the best person I could be, and I’m still trying to learn. Hallie is a really great teacher. I’m just not always the best student. Hard to let go of all those years of training to keep my guard up, keep those fortress walls strong.
However, I just wanted to confess I did reach a milestone in my life a couple of years ago, with Hallie’s help through her lessons on forgiveness. I swore I’d never forgive this guy for hurting me. I thought to myself, if I ever saw him again, he’d be picking pieces of himself up off the sidewalk when I got through. Let me just say had Hallie not taught me that lesson on forgiveness, I’m not the hitting type, so I would not have inflicted bodily harm on the man. (We’ll call him Jessie.) Jessie actually saw me first and faced me, with a rather reluctant look on his face, I might add, as if he knew what I’d been planning for him all those years. The look of severe constipation is a good description of his facial expression at that moment.
So, I think to myself, “Wow, he's got some...guts (yeah, guts) facing me and wanting to talk. So, I’ll try to be nice.” At this point, he's maybe earned 5% of my respect, choosing to face me, after what he did. I figure he's either really brave or really stupid.
I gesture to him that it’s ok to come a little closer. No bullets flying...yet. We walk towards each other and start talking, show off pictures of our daughters, try to cover the last 15 years in about 20 minutes, and at that moment, I was so relaxed and I realized I’d forgiven him for wronging me all those years ago.
I actually felt about 50 lbs lighter. At that point, I realized I’d learned how to forgive someone and also learned something else. Forgiveness isn’t a gift you give to someone else. It’s a gift you give to yourself. You can read it and hear it all day long, but to experience it is something else entirely. So much anger and resentment left my body that day. My heart was lighter; my mind was free of that frustration.
Although, it would have been nice to actually have been 50 lbs lighter (well, ok, 40).
Funny how it happened. Like on the day Hallie was born and I looked at her for the first time – (a WOW moment) it was like God opened a window to Heaven, reached down and touched my heart and Poof! I immediately knew love in a new way – a higher capacity to love that I never felt before and it was overwhelming. I knew I’d grown in an instant – with love. God granted me and trusted me with a most precious gift – love. And even better - the love of a child I’d wanted since I was 2. Yes, 2.
On that day of finally realizing forgiveness for someone, it was another WOW moment. I finally understood what it meant, not just for the other person to let go, but also for myself. It was a gift from God, with Hallie as his instrument. I’m most eager to see what this kid has up her sleeve next. I so don’t deserve her but thank God every day for the precious blessing that is her life.
Now, to work some more on forgiveness. I have several family members I’m trying to learn how to forgive. It’s not the easiest – at least not for me. But it’s nice to know that I can do it. I have a little bit of experience now and figure the more I do it, the easier it'll become. I’m learning…
I actually learned how to forgive from my daughter, when she was about 8. So, I guess I was about 39. I’m quite talented at holding a grudge – I have many years of experience with this.
We were at soccer practice. Thought I’d neva be a soccer mom, but whoa, was I ever! Screamin’ with the best of ‘em. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I digress. I do that a lot. I’m extremely ADHD. Lemme try to focus. What were we talking about?
Ah yes, soccer practice. The girls are practicing and running and kicking. One of the girls on the team is not a team player. We’ll call her Michelle. Some of the moms are thinking her mother is forcing her to play soccer to perhaps learn a little team spirit? For whatever reason, Michelle wasn’t friendly with the other girls; Hallie most of all. In the car on the way home, Hallie tells me from the back seat how Michelle is mean to her and to the other girls. I ask her what she is going to do about it.
“I’m going to make her my friend.” she says, confidently and self-assuredly.
Wow. At that point, I felt like crying. I’ve always been so good at hating. Someone wrongs me and I hold a grudge, like, forever. I pondered on what she said, for days, until the next practice. I wondered how she’d just magically make her her friend. I’ve never been very good at reaching out to people. I’m still trying to teach myself how to do this. Hallie winds up teaching me. Who knew you could learn more from a child than you could actually teach her? This kid is wise beyond her years. I have always believed she has a direct link to the Main Dude Upstairs.
Well, except for those times when she turns into a little hairy monster and her head starts spinning around, like something out of The Exorcist and claims “the devil made me do it”. Good excuse, by the way.
So, the next soccer practice is here and time to deal with Michelle and I’m anxious to see how this unfolds.
You still there? I realize this is rather lengthy.
They practice for a little while, take a short bathroom break and when I see them walking back to the field, Hallie and Michelle are walking side-by-side, chatting it up with each another. Michelle seems much more relaxed, starts playing well (or better, anyway) with others and I see no more tension between them. I can hardly wait to see how Hallie handled it.
So, we’re on our way home and I ask her, “How in the world did you make her your friend? What did you do?”
“I just went up to her and asked her if she’d be my friend.” she says, matter of factly.
~sniff~ Do you have any idea of how much I wanted to pull that car over and squeeze that sweet baby? So, I waited till we got home. Then, I just about squeezed the stuffin' out of ‘er.
She’s always been a better person than me. God sent her to teach me how to be the best person I could be, and I’m still trying to learn. Hallie is a really great teacher. I’m just not always the best student. Hard to let go of all those years of training to keep my guard up, keep those fortress walls strong.
However, I just wanted to confess I did reach a milestone in my life a couple of years ago, with Hallie’s help through her lessons on forgiveness. I swore I’d never forgive this guy for hurting me. I thought to myself, if I ever saw him again, he’d be picking pieces of himself up off the sidewalk when I got through. Let me just say had Hallie not taught me that lesson on forgiveness, I’m not the hitting type, so I would not have inflicted bodily harm on the man. (We’ll call him Jessie.) Jessie actually saw me first and faced me, with a rather reluctant look on his face, I might add, as if he knew what I’d been planning for him all those years. The look of severe constipation is a good description of his facial expression at that moment.
So, I think to myself, “Wow, he's got some...guts (yeah, guts) facing me and wanting to talk. So, I’ll try to be nice.” At this point, he's maybe earned 5% of my respect, choosing to face me, after what he did. I figure he's either really brave or really stupid.
I gesture to him that it’s ok to come a little closer. No bullets flying...yet. We walk towards each other and start talking, show off pictures of our daughters, try to cover the last 15 years in about 20 minutes, and at that moment, I was so relaxed and I realized I’d forgiven him for wronging me all those years ago.
I actually felt about 50 lbs lighter. At that point, I realized I’d learned how to forgive someone and also learned something else. Forgiveness isn’t a gift you give to someone else. It’s a gift you give to yourself. You can read it and hear it all day long, but to experience it is something else entirely. So much anger and resentment left my body that day. My heart was lighter; my mind was free of that frustration.
Although, it would have been nice to actually have been 50 lbs lighter (well, ok, 40).
Funny how it happened. Like on the day Hallie was born and I looked at her for the first time – (a WOW moment) it was like God opened a window to Heaven, reached down and touched my heart and Poof! I immediately knew love in a new way – a higher capacity to love that I never felt before and it was overwhelming. I knew I’d grown in an instant – with love. God granted me and trusted me with a most precious gift – love. And even better - the love of a child I’d wanted since I was 2. Yes, 2.
On that day of finally realizing forgiveness for someone, it was another WOW moment. I finally understood what it meant, not just for the other person to let go, but also for myself. It was a gift from God, with Hallie as his instrument. I’m most eager to see what this kid has up her sleeve next. I so don’t deserve her but thank God every day for the precious blessing that is her life.
Now, to work some more on forgiveness. I have several family members I’m trying to learn how to forgive. It’s not the easiest – at least not for me. But it’s nice to know that I can do it. I have a little bit of experience now and figure the more I do it, the easier it'll become. I’m learning…
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